avoiding the instinct: gesticular cancer

That one gesture, that universal conveyance of anger and defiance, that singular finger. Yet beyond what can causally be attributed to this or that surface offense or vernacular veneer, why is it so pervasive? What lies under the skin?

Looking outward: Someone aggressively weaves in and out of congested traffic on the Schuylkill Expressway with the no-holds-barred determination of getting to that McDonald’s or bank drive-thru window 90 seconds earlier. Rather than react with that all-too-common shot of disgust, rather than increase hormones and heartbeats, why not just let it pass? As difficult as it can sometimes be, love thy neighbor as thyself isn’t just some Biblical catchphrase to be tossed like so much salad dressing. Why buy into the kind of pharmaceutical-grade drama that can suck the life out of an otherwise peaceful moment? Why not consider stepping back and feeling empathy for that person, grateful that your own stomach is full, that you’ve got use of both legs, that your breathing is regular, that you’re not lying in a hospital bed?

Looking inward: You’ve just been diagnosed with an illness that promises weeks or months of treatment. You’ve just been laid off from that job of 18 years, the victim not of incompetence but of downsizing. You’ve just discovered that your spouse is having an affair and you simply cannot swallow that pill. You’ve just seen your child have a chunk of his arm bitten off by the neighbor’s unleashed pit bull, the resulting blood indelibly burned into your memory. You’ve [fill in the blank…]. Yet why take all of that out on the slowish driver in front of you? On your colleagues at work whose only offense has been their seemingly stress-free lives? On the waitress who brought you rye bread instead of whole wheat? If lashing out is the product of internal frustrations, as valid and real as they may be, need everyone else around you suffer from the resulting road rage, the resulting verbal abuse, the resulting altercations?

Take a step back. Diagnose what’s really going on. Then think twice about raising your hand with that gesture, or taking such piercing offense when it’s directed your way. With self-awareness, each of us can suppress this instinct from becoming viral.

learning another language: cursed words

It’s a very safe bet that everyone reading this has either directly had the following experience or knows someone who has—spouse, child, friend, relative or colleague:

You’ve taken three or four years of high-school French or Spanish, then another three or four more years in college (where the offerings are significantly broader, extending from Mandarin to Russian to Hindi and all points between)… and six months later you remember a few dozen words and cannot speak or read the language, as far from fluency as Paris is from Beijing. You’re intelligent and motivated, and did all of the requested homework, yet the results speak for themselves. I simply have no gift for languages, you think, and move on to other areas of study and projects that yield tangible results.

Given that being bilingual makes employees that much more valuable across our ever-smaller planet, that being bilingual engenders empathy and communication that transcend borders, that being bilingual stimulates the brain in myriad ways and can actually help to stave off or delay diseases like Alzheimer’s, why in the world are languages taught in a way that discourages progress, interest and results?

In one of countless articles and studies confirming the benefits of learning and speaking a foreign language, this excerpt from The Atlantic lyrically sums it up:

Multilingualism has a whole slew of incredible side effects: Multilinguals tend to score better on standardized tests, especially in math, reading and vocabulary; they are better at remembering lists or sequences, likely from learning grammatical rules and vocabulary; they are more perceptive to their surroundings and therefore better at focusing in on important information while weeding out misleading information (it’s no surprise Sherlock Holmes and Hercule Poirot are skilled polyglots). And there’s certainly something to be said for the cultural pleasure of reading The Odyssey in ancient Greek or Proust’s In Search of Lost Time in French.

Yet the typical experience has students going to class two or three times a week, with perhaps an hour or two of homework. Such a schedule can no more reach fluency than a monkey can read The New York Times. And why is it that words like “rhinoceros” even come up, when words like “shelf” are left to languish in artificially closed closets of the practical?

Most motivated people can achieve fluency in their chosen language within 24 months.

What? What a ridiculous claim, no? Millions of people can testify to the opposite, and more likely than not would respond by uttering or muttering a few foreign-language curse words among their limited word repertoires. Yet how many of those selfsame people devote 30 daily minutes to focused study? How many choose a language for which they feel an intense attraction—be that derived from the country’s literature, culture, architecture, food, history, music et al.? How many watch DVDs of their all-time favorite movies with the chosen foreign-language subtitles displayed? How many gather together in small groups to talk, study, laugh and support one another in the language du jour?

Parents, take note and push for more practical and enjoyable study for your kids. High school and college teachers, take note and do likewise for your students. The cursed words of frustration and futility can then be relegated to the dictionary where they belong, rather than to the classroom where they inevitably extinguish hope and joy.

conflicting agendas: sham pooh

You’re an entrepreneur with a great idea for a product or service not currently provided, or otherwise unavailable within the scope and parameters with which you envision. You run it by a large swath of potential supporters, many of whom may pooh-pooh your idea and not support an otherwise solidly considered endeavor. Are their reasons pure? Is their faith in you complete? Are there conflicting agendas at play?

Are you discouraged?

You take it to your bank, with a detailed presentation, marketing plans, financial projections and unwavering enthusiasm. Your banker remains outwardly lukewarm to the idea. Other bankers agree to fund the venture, but with onerous terms that in themselves put the business in the red before lifting a pen or touching a keyboard. Are their reasons based upon a longer-term vision? Can they see beyond next quarter’s bottom line? Are they combing over their selfishness?

Are you getting discouraged yet?

You decide to go the venture-capital route. They are more forthcoming in openly loving your idea, but need substantial equity to continue the discussion. Perhaps even a majority ownership stake. You read their terms: lots of money at your disposal but they would usurp control over direction, management and hiring decisions. “You just concentrate on developing xyz and we’ll take care of the rest” is a common refrain. Yet are they taking care of your company or themselves?

Are you now discouraged and disgusted?

Stay with it. Don’t forsake the fullness of your dream for what may just be others’ self-serving agendas. You may be faced with someone’s classic don’t-show-my-real-enthusiasm-because-then-I-won’t-be-able-to-take-advantage-of-you face. Perhaps the banker’s annual bonus is based upon upfront fees that would be far more productively used to build the business.

Go for it, while prudent with your risk-taking, complete with your research and with faith in your abilities. Here’s how Marla Malcolm Beck, founder and chief executive of Bluemercury, overcame both failure and personal pressures.

The cold water you will invariably confront may well be sham pooh-poohing designed to shower others in green.