the persistence of ego: flash lite

Each of us is born with distinct gifts, to be developed and expanded through discipline and desire, or to be left to fade through apathy and anxiety. They encompass the kaleidoscopic range of human experiences, from construction worker to concert violinist, from doorman to

doctor, from gardener to golfer, from proctor to president. Yet why must society make delineations, create class categories, foster exclusivity?

A concert violinist must go through decades of disciplined practice on top of requiring the inborn gifts, yet is the construction worker—who labors through years of apprenticeship and stultifying weather conditions while helping to create the concert hall—a less valuable person?

A doctor must go through endless years of highly specific training and staves off disease, yet is the doorman—who helps to guard the doctor’s co-op against crime and murder, and keeps order—a less valuable person?

A professional golfer must devote immeasurable time to drives and putts while offering entertainment and ready aspiration, yet is the gardener—who maintains the course and cultivates beauty and oxygen with perpetual toil—a less valuable person?

A president, whether of company or country, must cultivate expansive education, political skills and charisma to guide and inspire groups of people with much at stake, yet is the proctor—who oversaw the president’s bar exam and ensures integrity and discipline within life-changing circumstances—a less valuable person?

These questions can be answered quite simply and directly. When guided by integrity on a daily basis, such positions require singular gifts and devotion while making tangible contributions to society. Who can say which is more valuable; who are we to judge?

Of course, absent the ethical aspect, the more-or-less-valuable answer becomes painfully clear. The New York Times’ Editorial Board, in “Truth and Lies in the Age of Trump,” captures the current reality:

The rise of social media has been great in many ways. In a media environment with endless inputs and outlets, citizens can inform and entertain one another, organize more easily and hold their leaders accountable. But it also turns out that when everyone can customize his or her own information bubble, it’s easier for demagogues to deploy made-up facts to suit the story they want to tell. That’s what Mr. Trump has done. For him, facts aren’t the point; trust is. Like any autocrat, he wins his followers’ trust — let’s call it a blind trust — by lying so often and so brazenly that millions of people give up on trying to distinguish truth from falsehood. Whether the lie is about millions of noncitizens voting illegally, or the crime rate, or President Obama’s citizenship, it doesn’t matter: In a confusing world of competing, shouted “truths,” the simplest solution is to trust in your leader. As Mr. Trump is fond of saying, “I alone can fix it."

Even in the face of an avalanche of proof and press and pressure, for so many in public and private life the ego continues to rule and forbids them to simply come right out and say that they made a mistake, which more often than not would close the matter and that direct acknowledgement would itself engender trust!

Beyond those who demonstrate repeated ethical lapses, though, given the abundantly meaningful and measurable contributors in wide-ranging occupations across counties and countries, why in the world must ego be so prevalent? Is this person more precious than that one? Does he or she deserve more or less? Does a bank teller on the front lines of the customer experience making $35,000 a year not deserve the same respect as the investment banker putting together mergers making $3.5 million a year?

Are we using our resources to further contribute to society or to buy trophy items with little practical purpose other than to proffer ostentatious display? The Red Cross worker who assists with flash floods saves lives. The fireman who puts out flash fires saves lives. Who does the flash-clad consumer save?

being held up: mug shots

The 8:30 a.m. conference at your downtown office will emphatically not wait for being held up in rush-hour traffic, for getting the kids ready for school in time for the bus, for finishing your preparation for the pending presentation, for putting gas in the car, for stopping at the ATM, for… for… for. If only you could have something to hold you up amidst the stress and lack of sleep that seem to purposely invade each week. Add waiting in line at Starbucks for that shot of espresso that briefly jolts the brain and body.

Why do we put ourselves in such a position? Must we stay up so late answering that enveloping stream of emails, watching and/or reading the end-of-day news, overextending to spouse and children? Well sure, this is contemporary life, when wanting it all comes with an inflationary price that only the weak decline to pay. Let the morning mugs of Colombian coffee be drained, let them be damned, but let them work!

The biblical tenet of reaping what we sow represents quite a clear directive to work hard—with discipline, focus and purpose. Yet are we similarly directed to lose sleep, to experience the kind of stress that eats away at fulfillment and achievement, let alone eliminates volunteerism? Must ‘calm’ be nothing more than a long-sought four-letter word?

In his recent article in The New York Times, “The Epidemic of Worry,” David Brooks writes:

Worry alters the atmosphere of the mind. It shrinks your awareness of the present and your ability to enjoy what’s around you right now. It cycles possible bad futures around in your head and forces you to live in dreadful future scenarios, 90 percent of which will never come true. Pretty soon you are seeing the world through a dirty windshield. Worry dims every sunrise and amplifies mistrust. A mounting tide of anxiety makes people angrier about society and more darkly pessimistic about the possibility of changing it. Spiraling worry is the perverted underside of rationality.

Coffee—that great enabler—does indeed work for the moment, but at what cost? Why not make an active decision to head up to bed 20 minutes earlier (and make no mistake, this is neither a passive nor easy decision in light of rushing demands), put on some Beethoven or Bennett or Bon Jovi, and just chill till sleep has its way? The mugs aren’t going anywhere, so they’re there if called. Yet that extra 20 minutes each day, those two-plus hours each week and 10 hours each month may well hold up the body and sustain our pursuit of happiness.

Try it and let’s talk.

shared experiences: risk verse reward

Is your spiritual life all that it could be? Bach’s “St. Matthew Passion”

Have you or one of your friends been diagnosed with AIDS? Springsteen’s “Philadelphia”

Have you lost a parent? McCartney’s “Let It Be”

Are you the child of divorced parents? Papa Roach’s “Broken Home”

Do you have financial problems? AC/DC’s “Down Payment Blues”

Do you feel an oppressive sense of loneliness? Schubert’s “Winterreise”

Every one of us must confront painful setbacks, difficulties and mistakes, invariably with serious consequences. For each such life-changing event, music offers profound balm. Listen to each verse.

Recognize that your reactions and individual suffering have been experienced countless times by your neighbors, friends, family… and much of the planet. Listen to each verse.

Seek out those people who have lived through similar experiences. When you have a broken leg, those around you will be sympathetic, they’ll offer to help, they’ll give support, but then they’ll leave without broken legs of their own, unable to truly understand. Music speaks to widespread human circumstances from a position of innate comprehension. Listen to each verse.

Music provides lasting rewards, and has done so for countless years. The risk is to remain closed, to be unresponsive to shared experiences and ready fellowship, to allow yourself to become frozen when life forces its inevitable snowstorms. Open yourself. Become receptive. While there are often no easy answers, comfort abounds through shared encounters in the company of those who have had to confront the very issues you’re dealing with. Your MP3 player contains abundant solace and wisdom upon a single touch. Listen to each verse.

As Nicholas Bachalar reports in today's New York Times, an optimistic attitude makes a tangible difference:

In 2004 and again in 2008, researchers used a well-validated questionnaire to rate 70,021 women on their optimism. The women were asked to indicate their degree of agreement with six statements (for example, “In uncertain times, I usually expect the best.”). Researchers also collected information on educational and socioeconomic status, smoking, alcohol consumption, cancer, hypertension and other diseases and behavioral characteristics. The women’s average age was 70 at the start of the project. The study, in the American Journal of Epidemiology, found significant associations between increasing levels of optimism and decreasing risks of death from cancer, heart disease, stroke, respiratory disease and infections.

Listen to each verse.

avoiding the instinct: gesticular cancer

That one gesture, that universal conveyance of anger and defiance, that singular finger. Yet beyond what can causally be attributed to this or that surface offense or vernacular veneer, why is it so pervasive? What lies under the skin?

Looking outward: Someone aggressively weaves in and out of congested traffic on the Schuylkill Expressway with the no-holds-barred determination of getting to that McDonald’s or bank drive-thru window 90 seconds earlier. Rather than react with that all-too-common shot of disgust, rather than increase hormones and heartbeats, why not just let it pass? As difficult as it can sometimes be, love thy neighbor as thyself isn’t just some Biblical catchphrase to be tossed like so much salad dressing. Why buy into the kind of pharmaceutical-grade drama that can suck the life out of an otherwise peaceful moment? Why not consider stepping back and feeling empathy for that person, grateful that your own stomach is full, that you’ve got use of both legs, that your breathing is regular, that you’re not lying in a hospital bed?

Looking inward: You’ve just been diagnosed with an illness that promises weeks or months of treatment. You’ve just been laid off from that job of 18 years, the victim not of incompetence but of downsizing. You’ve just discovered that your spouse is having an affair and you simply cannot swallow that pill. You’ve just seen your child have a chunk of his arm bitten off by the neighbor’s unleashed pit bull, the resulting blood indelibly burned into your memory. You’ve [fill in the blank…]. Yet why take all of that out on the slowish driver in front of you? On your colleagues at work whose only offense has been their seemingly stress-free lives? On the waitress who brought you rye bread instead of whole wheat? If lashing out is the product of internal frustrations, as valid and real as they may be, need everyone else around you suffer from the resulting road rage, the resulting verbal abuse, the resulting altercations?

Take a step back. Diagnose what’s really going on. Then think twice about raising your hand with that gesture, or taking such piercing offense when it’s directed your way. With self-awareness, each of us can suppress this instinct from becoming viral.

learning another language: cursed words

It’s a very safe bet that everyone reading this has either directly had the following experience or knows someone who has—spouse, child, friend, relative or colleague:

You’ve taken three or four years of high-school French or Spanish, then another three or four more years in college (where the offerings are significantly broader, extending from Mandarin to Russian to Hindi and all points between)… and six months later you remember a few dozen words and cannot speak or read the language, as far from fluency as Paris is from Beijing. You’re intelligent and motivated, and did all of the requested homework, yet the results speak for themselves. I simply have no gift for languages, you think, and move on to other areas of study and projects that yield tangible results.

Given that being bilingual makes employees that much more valuable across our ever-smaller planet, that being bilingual engenders empathy and communication that transcend borders, that being bilingual stimulates the brain in myriad ways and can actually help to stave off or delay diseases like Alzheimer’s, why in the world are languages taught in a way that discourages progress, interest and results?

In one of countless articles and studies confirming the benefits of learning and speaking a foreign language, this excerpt from The Atlantic lyrically sums it up:

Multilingualism has a whole slew of incredible side effects: Multilinguals tend to score better on standardized tests, especially in math, reading and vocabulary; they are better at remembering lists or sequences, likely from learning grammatical rules and vocabulary; they are more perceptive to their surroundings and therefore better at focusing in on important information while weeding out misleading information (it’s no surprise Sherlock Holmes and Hercule Poirot are skilled polyglots). And there’s certainly something to be said for the cultural pleasure of reading The Odyssey in ancient Greek or Proust’s In Search of Lost Time in French.

Yet the typical experience has students going to class two or three times a week, with perhaps an hour or two of homework. Such a schedule can no more reach fluency than a monkey can read The New York Times. And why is it that words like “rhinoceros” even come up, when words like “shelf” are left to languish in artificially closed closets of the practical?

Most motivated people can achieve fluency in their chosen language within 24 months.

What? What a ridiculous claim, no? Millions of people can testify to the opposite, and more likely than not would respond by uttering or muttering a few foreign-language curse words among their limited word repertoires. Yet how many of those selfsame people devote 30 daily minutes to focused study? How many choose a language for which they feel an intense attraction—be that derived from the country’s literature, culture, architecture, food, history, music et al.? How many watch DVDs of their all-time favorite movies with the chosen foreign-language subtitles displayed? How many gather together in small groups to talk, study, laugh and support one another in the language du jour?

Parents, take note and push for more practical and enjoyable study for your kids. High school and college teachers, take note and do likewise for your students. The cursed words of frustration and futility can then be relegated to the dictionary where they belong, rather than to the classroom where they inevitably extinguish hope and joy.

conflicting agendas: sham pooh

You’re an entrepreneur with a great idea for a product or service not currently provided, or otherwise unavailable within the scope and parameters with which you envision. You run it by a large swath of potential supporters, many of whom may pooh-pooh your idea and not support an otherwise solidly considered endeavor. Are their reasons pure? Is their faith in you complete? Are there conflicting agendas at play?

Are you discouraged?

You take it to your bank, with a detailed presentation, marketing plans, financial projections and unwavering enthusiasm. Your banker remains outwardly lukewarm to the idea. Other bankers agree to fund the venture, but with onerous terms that in themselves put the business in the red before lifting a pen or touching a keyboard. Are their reasons based upon a longer-term vision? Can they see beyond next quarter’s bottom line? Are they combing over their selfishness?

Are you getting discouraged yet?

You decide to go the venture-capital route. They are more forthcoming in openly loving your idea, but need substantial equity to continue the discussion. Perhaps even a majority ownership stake. You read their terms: lots of money at your disposal but they would usurp control over direction, management and hiring decisions. “You just concentrate on developing xyz and we’ll take care of the rest” is a common refrain. Yet are they taking care of your company or themselves?

Are you now discouraged and disgusted?

Stay with it. Don’t forsake the fullness of your dream for what may just be others’ self-serving agendas. You may be faced with someone’s classic don’t-show-my-real-enthusiasm-because-then-I-won’t-be-able-to-take-advantage-of-you face. Perhaps the banker’s annual bonus is based upon upfront fees that would be far more productively used to build the business.

Go for it, while prudent with your risk-taking, complete with your research and with faith in your abilities. Here’s how Marla Malcolm Beck, founder and chief executive of Bluemercury, overcame both failure and personal pressures.

The cold water you will invariably confront may well be sham pooh-poohing designed to shower others in green.

the calendar's relentless progression: autumn leaves

The latter part of September perpetually hosts the first day of fall—a time of moderating weather, heavier work schedules and looking ahead. During one’s teens, 20s and even 30s, this annual period typically seems full of hours and days, its farewell comfortably in the distance. Yet into the 40s and 50s, those selfsame hours appear ever briefer, ever more precious. As much as the numbers themselves do not change, our perception of them moves ever faster. While not able to slow the calendar’s relentless progression, making the most of

each 24-filled gift basket goes a long way in mitigating it. This applies to finding fulfillment in work and career projects, to spending dedicated time with family and friends, to enjoying vacations and travel, to lifelong learning.

Writer and BBC broadcaster Claudia Hammond’s book, Time Warped: Unlocking the Mysteries of Time Perception, takes a fascinating and colorful picture of how we respond to time within a kaleidoscope of scenarios. Its chapters—“The Time Illusion,” Mind Clocks,” “Monday Is Red,” “Why Time Speeds Up As You Get Older,” “Remembering the Future” and “Changing Your Relationship with Time”—help to put the perpetual questions that most of us eventually ask in context, and is yet another reminder that perception governs so much of our activities and responses.

Key societal yardsticks may well be useful but end up being narrow by themselves. Increasing the size of bank accounts is nice, easily measurable and offers life-experience options that may be unattainable otherwise. Yet how do we put those monthly statements to use? Are we building and building with little enjoyment of the house itself? Are we looking beyond ourselves, vis-à-vis how we can make a positive contribution to our communities? Are we nagged by ongoing questions of whether we’re doing all that we can? Are we focused on one goal above or to the exclusion of others? These questions may well be difficult to answer, but the results of such serious queries may well include achievement, contentment, gratitude and humility… a lifelong process.

As September eases into the past, it remains ever helpful not to regret its passing, but to ask if the most was made of its time. If the answer is less than it could be, to implement meaningful changes then makes September’s empty pockets anything but wasted and unproductive. Why not actively pursue those changes? Autumn leaves all too quickly.