making choices: hard rock

How many times have you found yourself in that crushing space, faced with the dilemma of making a choice between two much-less-than-ideal alternatives? Having to choose the lesser of two evils speaks for itself, yet difficult choices are often the most helpful in the long run. Why, then, are they generally looked upon as eagerly as invasive surgery?

But our days are filled with just such decisions. Here is one area of life for which acting dispassionately is inarguably the best course of action. Put the inescapable emotional component into perspective and move forward. Avoiding such decisions only makes them harder to make and accept.

Our little planet’s nonfiction pages abound with stories of people who had their aha moment, who made the jump, who lived through sacrifice, who climbed out from under the rock. Are the satisfactions not that much sweeter when they’re fought for, whatever the beat? Are they not magnified in direct proportion to the effort expended? Tomorrow the Republicans will vote on electing Paul Ryan Speaker of the House. This has proven to be a thankless position and political dead end, despite its power and high profile. It may prove to be a deft decision or an idiot's island, yet however reluctantly he may have acceded to his colleagues' wishes that he take the job, Ryan has made a strategic, carefully considered choice. 

The relentless clock will surely not lend a hand. The inviolable calendar will certainly not cede its days. For better or worse, if the decision rests with you, consider it carefully, then act decisively. Fear of making a mistake has hamstrung countless people, yet those very mistakes will often mark the difference between complacency and urgency, between persistent struggle and enduring success.

So the next time you find yourself between two proverbial places, be ruthlessly logical and accept the resulting consequences with either celebration or tighter resolve. Whether for decisions proven right or wrong, how you deal with them is often far more telling than the potential reward or fallout.

Turn up the volume and go for it.

the freedom in patience: losing wait

Perspective is among the defining aspects of our days and nights, offering myriad ways to endure what cannot be changed. Why is it, then, that some people consistently face the clock with equanimity and acceptance, while others fight reality with the relentlessness of a watch’s hyperactive second hand?

Two people find themselves in stultifying rush-hour traffic, each needing to attend a key meeting, yet it looks like they’ll be late. (Sure, the easy answer is to simply leave earlier, yet so many no-fault things can interfere with that obvious goal.) One of them constantly cuts in and out of traffic, airbrushing cars right and left, and perpetually instigating the seeds of road rage, with all of that activity gaining a whopping quarter-mile “advantage” after half an hour. The other calls ahead to notify colleagues that he’ll be 30 minutes late, and asks whether the meeting can be delayed or promises to do whatever it takes to catch up with what is missed. He then uses the extra time to make hands-free calls that he’d otherwise have to get done while at the office, or listens to an engrossing audio book or language-learning CD. His blood pressure remains within safe levels and his day is that much richer, generally absent of stress-induced barking.

A first-time television documentary director has a compelling project at hand for which she feels altogether passionate. Trying to raise the $925,000 production cost continues to mean enduring a tiny shared apartment, no vacation time, a minimal food budget and little rest. Twenty-nine months later, not only does she see it to fruition, but it’s nominated for an Emmy—providing the recognition and springboard that enables a $6 million film documentary.

Overarching goals pursued with discipline and passion can offer tangible freedom from fleeting and ultimately meaningless concerns. Patience is the stamped envelope that carries a given project to completion, that enables focus, that mitigates stress, that can access the bestseller lists. Here’s how two veteran tech journalists patiently persevered for 18 months to gain the cooperation of Apple Computer—the world’s most valuable company—for their recently released book, Becoming Steve Jobs.

The next time you’re waiting in traffic late for a meeting, or are waiting for a carefully considered plan’s components to gel, try stepping back for the larger perspective. On the fulfillment scale, discover lightness as a byproduct of all that lost wait.

cutting screen time: embracing turnoffs

Few of us wake up in the morning looking forward to a day of turnoffs.

Yet such days can be filled with the kind of productivity and focus simply not possible without them. Researchers at the University of California, Irvine, have demonstrated concrete findings that reveal how removing the nonstop distractions of email during the workday not only reduces stress but enables tangibly sharper focus. “We found that when you remove email from workers’ lives, they multitask less and experience less stress,” said informatics professor Gloria Mark, who coauthored the study, “A Pace Not Dictated by Electrons,” with a UCI project scientist and U.S. Army senior research scientist, funded by the Army and the National Science Foundation.

To be sure, being on screen call can be both fun and stimulating. Receiving and responding to a dozen emails every hour or so requires quick thinking, provokes additional mental and personal connections, opens a range of possibilities and offers a palpable sense of productivity. What happens, though, when preparing a speech under deadline that requires hours of focused thought and related research? Or completing the chapter of a book with an unbroken arc of logic and engagement? Or helping a son or daughter with a complex school project? Or… Or… Or….

Turn off the email program for several hours at a time and watch what happens. The clock doesn’t move at quite so relentless a pace. Concentration can’t help but be enhanced. The mind’s natural elasticity responds with previously denied creativity. In a typical 10-hour workday (the cliché of an eight-hour workday having gone the way of the Palm Pilot), having four or five periods of email access and completing the associated tasks enables the kind of dedicated attention not otherwise available.

The continuous bursts of adrenaline may initially be missed, but the longer-term feelings of peace and demonstrated increase in productivity should more than compensate. Projects can be savored rather than rushed, akin to lunch with a colleague at a relatively quiet restaurant, away from the computer and with mobile access either left at the office or turned off from appetizer to dessert.

Life’s menu awaits.

moving forward: reading & righting

Arguments. Disagreements. Disputes.

Or perhaps with a bit of floor polish: contretemps.

They have happened every day among friends, lovers, relatives, spouses and business associates since the beginning of time. Must this state of affairs continue unabridged, accepted as the cost of getting up in the morning, as inevitable as stale bread? Or can people learn to read problems in light of the bigger picture by considering the brevity of life and how genuinely good it feels to be generous, to be forgiving, to be proactive in righting the mistakes that each of us inevitably make? Does the ego really need to hold sway as some sort of unchecked emotional dictatorship?

This is not some idealistic pontification, but a mindset of moving forward positively. The longer that the sandpaper of conflict is allowed to grind, the harder it is to ultimately address the resulting roughness. Making a firm decision for resolutions opens up a kaleidoscope of possible solutions. Conversely, digging in with the flexibility of cement leads to fractures and concussions. This is hardly to suggest passively bearing the brunt of unfairness or loss. If abused, we have municipal and supreme courts to address obstacles, police to deal with immediate squabbles.

Yet looking beyond the last possible penny, most of us possess an inborn sense of right and wrong. Admitting mistakes, righting those wrongs, offers a liberating freedom unfettered by the ugly restraints of self-centered behavior. You’ve inadvertently made a lane change without seeing the car to your left; admitting fault and expressing genuine regret literally closes the matter and facilitates the insurance settlement. You were unable to meet a work deadline despite best efforts; coming forward without excuse—coupled with a simultaneous determination to do whatever it takes to fix—cannot help but engender respect. Come up with a hundred different examples and the results are unsurprisingly similar. Provided that the neglect or irresponsible behavior is not deliberate (if so, the consequences will surely reign tomorrow if not today), there are almost always ways to right mistakes, the sooner the better.

Regardless of one’s religious beliefs or lack thereof, Pope Francis’ recent remarks before Congress offered a straightforward, nondenominational guide to resolving interpersonal and business conflict. One paragraph among many: “Our efforts must aim at restoring hope, righting wrongs, maintaining commitments and thus promoting the well-being of individuals and of peoples. We must move forward, however, as one in a renewed spirit of fraternity and solidarity, cooperating generously for the common good.”

Moving forward. Righting wrongs. Maintaining commitments. Cooperating generously. Read and embrace these words, then marvel at the simultaneous decline of heart attacks and lawsuits.